We detest riding with him anywhere. Thing 1 and Thing 2 almost always end up car sick by the time we arrive at our destination. They have matching ice cream pails in both cars to vomit in. I usually need a bottle of Dramamine plus a Xanax followed by a chaser of Pinot just to stomach his driving. To make things worse, he almost always takes the most complicated, most dangerous, most indirect route possible.
He has actually driven us through a full blown tornado. TWICE.
The 2nd time was on Mother's Day. We were headed home from a weekend at the cabin. We knew some severe weather was going to be passing through. Instead of timing our return trip before or after the storm, "Sir Drives-Like-Crap" packed us up and drove DIRECTLY through the worst part of it. I begged him to stop at a Walmart or some place made of brick to wait it out. He confidently stated that we were safer in a car and could "probably make it."
He kindly treated us to a storm chaser play by play courtesy of the AM radio weather station. Thing 1 asked him repeatedly, "Are we going to die, Daddy??? Because I don't want to die." To which Desi replied, "Probably not" just as we were heading through one of the most isolated, heavily forested stretches of road on the whole trip.
Did you know trees can be incredibly destructive shrapnel?
I was seriously pissed off by this point.
Me (Yelling to be heard above the pandemonium): Look. I TOLD you we shouldn't drive through this.We're going to die!
Desi: It'll be fine.
Me: And why are we driving in the same direction as the storm? We should stop at one of these houses and ask to go in their basement.
Desi: I'm not asking a stranger to go in their basement.
Me: Why the hell not??? You'd rather DIE than ask someone you don't know to save us? I'll ask then. Just pull over.
Desi: I'm not stopping.
Me: If I survive this, you'll never hear the end.
Desi: I realize that.
By the very Grace of God, we seemed to come out alive on the other side of the storm. The silence that followed was palpable. We finally arrived home. Desi immediately turned on the tv and enthusiastically flipped through channels back and forth to view the carnage as reported on the news.
Desi: "Well huh. Look at that. Seventeen houses were leveled and trees are down everywhere! There are entire neighborhoods with no power. That was a pretty bad storm!
Me: If you EVER do that again, I'm going to divorce you.