My grandmother passed away on December 28. She was my mother's mother and I wasn't particularly close to her. But she was my grandmother and I did have some fond memories of her when I was young.
Over the course of the past 10 years, my mother and she became estranged. There are a lot of background details, but I'll spare you. You're welcome. The long and short of it is that my grandmother was extremely abusive and my mother finally had the courage at the age of 63 to stand up for herself and refuse to be bullied any longer. My grandmother began showing obvious favoritism to my uncle and his family. She changed bank accounts, removed names from accounts, and lavished my mother's younger brother with anything and everything money could buy. None of us cared because we weren't interested in being held for ransom and were better off with a clear conscience.
Yesterday, her will was read. We all knew what to expect and my sister, my parents, and I were prepared to be left out. Again, we really had no problem with this. Our memories and the few mementos she had given us over time were worth more than any money could buy. What happened yesterday however, was unbelievably upsetting.
Her will was brief and to the point. She left all personal and monetary belongings to her son, my uncle and his family. But she had added a message at the end. It read:
I am purposely leaving everything to my son to leave out my daughter and her descendants.
It was the final F.U. My mother never did anything to be treated this way. She waited on my grandmother, took her places, cleaned for her, and took her abuse for 63 years. And this is how my grandmother left? I think about my daughters too. They don't deserve to be treated this way either. I am sad. My grandmother spent her life being mean, hateful, and abusive.
All I can do is hope that she finally found her peace. But I sort of doubt it.
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear this. I know it's incedibly painful for you and your poor mom. I've been sitting here tying to think of a comment that might give you some comfort and nothing seems quite good enough...hugs to you.
ReplyDeletewow! spite and bitterness are terrible things. I'm sorry for your mother, you and your family. I hope your mom can find some peace within herself regardless. Prayers and love to you and yours.
ReplyDeleteHolllllllllllyyyyyyyyy shit. That's insane. I'm trying to picture the lawyer who typed that up. I wonder if he had any commentary on it. Well, you and your mom are free now. If you're glad she's gone, don't be ashamed. I've celebrated a couple deaths myself.
ReplyDeleteHi. I'm certain this was a painful experience and I'm sorry to head about the strained family relationships. But it might make you feel a tad better to know that the wording in the document was likely added by her attorney - and that she didn't specifically request such harsh words. Yes, her intent to not include your Mother or her lineage is still hurtful, but the express wording is often used by attorneys for strictly legal reasons. I don't know if this maybe helps you find a little more peace? Best wishes.
ReplyDeleteWhoa. And. Wow. Actually, thank you. That hadn't occurred to me and believe it or not, it helps. Thank you. I realize these matters are sketchy when it comes to legalities. We really never wanted anything other than her happiness. But, I truly appreciate your comment. You have no idea how much it adds peace to our situation. Thank you. <3 Love, Lucy
DeleteYeah, I was about to leave that same comment, it is done to clarify that a potential heir was not forgotten that the absence was intentional. Standard language.
DeleteThere are no words, but you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteAwful beyond words. I'm so very sorry for you all.
ReplyDeleteWOW. Even in death some people can be so spiteful. On the other hand, kudos to your mom to stand up to her after all of that time.
ReplyDeleteI just can't imagine hearing that...but even more, I can't imagine writing it! I feel sad for your poor mother, and for you and your kids. But at least you can put your grandmother behind you now.
ReplyDeleteKaren
I feel sorry for her...honestly, I do! I know she's passed away and all that, but seriously, to carry so much hate and pain inside her that she couldn't even spare people after her death..that really seems messed up.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for all you have been going through. It looks like your uncle is not very nice either, and that's just sad that at a time like this, families can't come together.
My own brother is estranged from us and every time I think about the day when either of my parents passes away without his even making any attempt to reach out to us is very painful.
Oh I am so sorry.
ReplyDeleteAnd really sad for your mom.
I could never imagine my mom doing that to me or me doing that to my daughters.
What the hell is wrong with people??
I have a mother in law from hell.
From. Hell.
And this is exactly what she would do.
So I get this kind of satanic meanness.
I am just so sorry that it happened to an amazing human being like you and like I am sure your mom is.
Give her a big hug from me.
And a sloppy kiss too.
:)
I cannot imagine leaving such hateful words as my final legacy. It's bad enough when you speak hateful words you don't mean in a moment of anger, but to never have the chance to apologize for it?
ReplyDeleteThat's very sad for your mom and your family, but how sad for her that at the end of her life, those will pretty much be her final words. How sad that that's the summary of her life. Good for your mother for standing up for herself. What a lovely example she is for you and your daughters. :)
ReplyDeleteOuch.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing you take with you is your state of mind. Her state of mind must have been quite bitter to have left such a thing in her will. I'm a firm believer that, if you wouldn't pick them as friends, there's nothing wrong with not associating with family members who cause you harm.
Thank you for all of the kind words. My blogging friends truly are the best people out there. We understand and offer support when needed and always have words of encouragement. I'm going to use it as a life lesson. Living in the present is certainly the best gift we can give our family. Now, it's time for me to move on and let go. Thank you, sincerely.
ReplyDeleteI just checked WTF. That's awful, but it says a lot more about the person who wrote it than it does the people she wrote it about. I don't know why esp. in your last hours you would want to be so hateful. I pity people like that.
ReplyDeleteI knew you liked that wtf option. lol. The more time that passes, the more I realize that this is a powerful lesson. Until we can make peace with our mortality, we can never truly be happy.
DeleteThat is just so sad.... What a miserable life your grandmother must have lived (in silence, on the inside; as well as on the outside). I'm sorry for you, your mom, your children... but what a great opportunity for you and your mom to live a legacy of love and forgiveness.. not bitterness. Your children will watch you both rise above and be great examples for them!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much. All of the wonderful people in the blogging community have certainly given me perspective. And yes, this ends here. Thanks for stopping by.
DeleteI'm sorry I missed this post before now. I am thinking of you and especially your mom. I understand the ramifications of being estranged from a parent after setting boundaries on abuse a little too well.
ReplyDelete
DeleteThank you, sweetheart. It helps to have support, for sure. It's strange. But I feel more at peace now than I did while she was living.
This hit me in my house. I have been trying to find the words to convey to you that i know what this looks like even though I am not there yet. We might have had the same mothers and grandmothers. It's just awful. My grandmother was abusive and terrible to my mother too. Then she spread the awful to us, her daughter's children. I'm so sorry for your mom. And for you. I hope that in some way her passing lets those painful situations end. My grandmother is still alive but I know that someday I could write a similair post. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteI am here for you. Thank you for being here for me. <3 xoxoxo
DeleteI am speechless. No child ever deserves to be treated that way. I'm sure your children are lucky to have a wonderful grandmother. It will be what gets her through it...a wonderful daughter and grandchildren.
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