Wow. How do I do this? It doesn't really matter. I suppose.
Do you know how much of a luxury...writing is? I sort of envy my friends who can write every day. It's not that it's them. It's me. It's almost impossible for me to say no. To anyone.
So I spend the majority of my day doing things for other people because it makes them happy. Kind of like Crakgenius does. And my sister, +Merrilyn Monroe . We do things for other people because it makes THEM happy. And by making them happy, WE are happy. Sort of. Well, that's super. Only it gets in the way.
That kind of thinking gets in the way of what I need to do. I'm happy. I'm happy to help others. It's the right thing to do. Right? But my soul is still empty. I have love. I have my children. My family. - long story. I have my health. What in GOD'S name do I have to complain about? Nothing. Only this. Writing is a luxury.
I NEED to write every day. I want to write every day. There is something about writing that fills my soul. It satisfies a hunger that no food can satisfy.
And I am very hungry. It has been days since I have written. I am starving . I need to spill it. A lot. I hope to soon. But until then, you should know that I watch the letters appear on my screen like magic. They aren't mine. They are ours. Like OUR words. Things WE need to say together. And I am hungry. Are you?
Amen! It's a guilty guilty pleasure, the kind that often takes my time and attention away from my family. But it's also the kind that makes me happier, more fulfilled, and whole. Posting 4-5 days a week IS time consuming, especially the way I write (day/night/edit/reedit/delete/). I'm like you, I need to help and to please but something has changed...I need to find me again- whatever that means;)
ReplyDeleteI hope you find the time you need:)
I <3 you! You totally GET it. Yes. All of that. I still don't understand, but I do. Thanks SO much for your comment. xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteI know, lady. I need it now. In fact, someone asked me what I "do" and I heard "I'm a writer" come out of my mouth for the first time. I was almost shocked to hear it. But, I (like you) need it. That, and chocolate.
ReplyDeleteI haven't found that rythm yet, frankly speaking. I mean, I probably would if life didn't get in the way! But, I would feel empty if I didn't post at least 2-3 times a week, so I agree with you!
ReplyDeleteIt is a hunger you don't know you have until you start and can't stop! I get it.
ReplyDeleteI became an English major for the exact same thing you described. I love writing and when I can't write for myself--when I only have time to write essays and homework assignments--I can feel myself losing my sanity more and more every day. For some time, I've been trying to get a short story of sorts going, but I never have any time. So, I blog instead.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could write every day. I manage every other day, but every day would just be impossible. Damn, why can't someone pay me to sit home in my pjs and write?
ReplyDeleteYou totally nailed it here. And. I. Am. Starving.
ReplyDeleteI am with you! I need to write; it helps me stay somewhat sane. I only wish I had more time to do so.
ReplyDelete